Introverts are from Jupiter and Extroverts are from Pluto

If you’re like me, you hear the words “social event” and the first thing you do is make a mental list of why you can’t attend. The words alone have the power to send you into panic mode. In all honesty, I’m notorious for using my kids as an excuse for these things. I’m like a deer in the headlights as I scan my brain for any possibility of coming up with a plausible excuse on the spot. And it’s not that I hate social events. Or always try to avoid them. They’re just exhausting.


Now, I can’t speak for all introverts here. Like with extroverts, introverts work on spectrum. Some are more introverted than others. For example, I’m a Meyers-Briggs INFJ personality, and many times we’re confused with being extroverts. We’re not, obviously, but when we’re comfortable, we can socialize with the best of extroverts. It’s just that afterward we’re going to need some major down-time. On the other end of the spectrum you have the introverts who at any mention of socializing break out in hives.


Regardless of if you identify yourself as introverted or as extroverted, it’s important to understand how introverts operate, and I’m going to borrow this analogy from a friend. Think of introverts and extroverts as having inner bank accounts, with deposits and withdrawals. For an extrovert, social interaction makes deposits into their account. It invigorates them, builds equity, and even accrues interest. For an introvert, social interaction is like taking money out of their account. It drains them, exhausts them, and sometimes leaves them with a deficit. Therefore, introverts have to plan to be social, which includes making and building relationships.


First off, I’m going to address the introverts. Guys, you’re not alone. I’m totally with you, so as a favor to all of us, I’ll give it to us straight: we need people; we need relationships; we need to build careers and network with others in and outside our professions.


I realize that if we had the option of going out among strangers or watching paint dry in our living room, we’d pick the latter. Watching paint dry is nice and relaxing and gives us ample time to process the world around us. Except life doesn’t happen while we’re alone in our living rooms.

I have some tips to help us up our game and put our best foot forward.



Okay, extroverts, it’s your turn for a little heart-to-heart, because socializing and building relationships with introverts are different than with other extroverts. Sitting alone in a room, for instance, creates withdrawals for you whereas it creates deposits for introverts. Social situations are where you thrive, where your deposits are made. You feed off the energy of others.

Which, as you’ve seen, is exhausting for introverts.

Here are some tips for interacting with introverts.



Introverts: next time your company has a Christmas party, don’t tell them you can’t make it due to your fifth 8pm dentist appointment of the year. Just go. Once you’re there, interact.


Extroverts: building a relationship with an introvert may take some time, but I promise you it’s worth the investment. Introverts have a wealth of ideas, interests, and thoughts just waiting to be tapped into. You might be amazed at how well you connect.


More about d. Nichole


A native of Iowa, d. Nichole King writes YA/NA fiction novels. Her books have hit bestseller lists in the United States, United Kingdom, and Canada. When not writing, she enjoys spending time with her four children and her husband. Being a Meyers-Briggs tested INFJ, she still cringes at the phrase “social event”, but loves chatting with people one on one. For more information, you can contact d. at